My Story/My Testimony 5/18/2018
They say what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Well, I can say the devil tried every way he could to attack through depression, thoughts of suicide, anger, alcohol, bodily injuries, Doctor prescribed medicine and many other things. Well, as you can see he did not succeed!
I never knew my biological dad, I was told by my Mom that after many, many years of his cheating, drinking, womanizing, abuse, anger, not caring for us kids, she left him when I was 3 months old.
My Mom told me about one time where my dad moved her and us kids out in the country beside a tobacco field. The house had no running water and in order to get water you had to go down to the creek. There was not much to the house either. Many times my mom said she had to walk with us kids to the closest house and beg for food for us kids. My dad hardly ever came home and spent what money he made on women and alcohol, never keeping a job.
She told me one time she had just enough oatmeal to give a little to each of us kids. Well, my dad came home drunk, took the oatmeal from us kids that she had cook and ate it in front of us.
I call him dad because it takes a lot to be a man and there is only one Father, that’s our God in heaven.
The first thing that I can really remember was a neighborhood we lived in Maryland.
We lived in a little shack. Us four older kids had a set of bunk beds in the one closet. You opened the door and there were the beds.
Now before you think ill of my Mom, she did the best she could. She loved us kids and kept us together. She came from a home where life was very tough. A father who drank and beat her and her brothers and sisters with whatever he could find, board, switch, and other things, a lot of the time for no reason.
I love her dearly. She is in heaven now with my youngest brother who died in a car accident, 2 weeks before she passed from Alzheimer’s.
Some of my memories from Maryland were that we use to walk a good ways to get to school, going up hills and roads with snow and ice on them, slipping at times on the ice.
I also remember one time when there was a Halloween costume contest at school. We could not afford anything like that so one of the teachers found some brown paper bags and taped them together putting it over my body and made me walk with the rest of the kids. I could hear adults whispering as I walked past them and the kids making fun of me.
I know she meant well but I much would have rather stayed by myself in the classroom.
I never liked school. The whole time during the time I was in school, I did everything possible to avoid it, skipping classes, hiding in the woods until school was out, getting my Mom to come get me. I did not want to go. Maybe that’s where it all started, from that Halloween contest.
We did have fun though. We played inside and out of an old car that one of my uncles had behind the house. We found ways to entertain ourselves. In the winter we took whatever we could find and went up to the top of what we kids called “Devils Hill” there in Hillside. It was a very steep hill and in the winter it would get coated with ice. All the kids would use whatever we could get our hands on, cardboard, the top to a wringer washer machine (got in trouble doing that though) and we would have a blast sliding down the hill. When a vehicle would come by, oh boy, it was more fun watching it go down the hill than doing it ourselves.
My Mom eventually met a man and we moved outside of Andrews AirForce base, Maryland. It was a nice place with lots of kids and friendly neighbors.
Some of the memories I have from there are good and some bad. The good ones, were of us kids having so called carnivals in our back yard and charging the neighborhood kids to play the games we made up. I also remember us kids setting the basement up like a haunted house and charging kids to go in. Guess we were a little enterprising back then.
There were times we would have fights with some other kids who lived two houses down and we would have apple battles. What is an apple battle, you ask?
Well, we had 2 apple trees in the back yard and when a fight started we used them to throw at the other kids. Don’t worry most of the apples were rotten, just a few weren’t and you knew which ones when they hit someone and they cried out.
I can also remember this one boy always made fun of me, tormenting me, being a bully. It stopped when one day walking home from school I had enough and turned around knocking him to the ground beating up on him. He never bothered me after that.
We never had the money to really have Birthdays or Christmas presents. At Christmas my Mom did her best and knew we needed clothes more than anything, so that’s usually what we got, hand me downs.
I remember they would gather all the kids whose family members were serving there at the base during Christmas and a soldier would sorta of adopt a kid. They took us to a big building on the base a blessed us with a meal and a present. I can remember the present and the sailor to this day. I received an Etch-A-Sketch.
I am going to tell you something. It’s sad but true! Meat loaf is my kryptonite! I DO NOT like meatloaf! I can not stand to eat it!
I remember my Mom making it once and our step dad then, said I could not get up until I ate it. Well, they disappeared for a bit and when they did so did the meatloaf. When they came back in and saw it was gone. They looked in the trash and seen it was not there so they said I could get up. Well, it did not take long for them to find the meatloaf. If you know what the old baseboard heaters looked like, you know they had a long opening on them. You guessed it! That’s where my meatloaf some how made its way down into the heater. I don’t remember getting a whipping for it but I do remember I never had to eat meatloaf after that.
There were some bad memories that happened there also. I saw things a child my age, around 10 to 11, should have never seen. I heard things a child should not have heard and I had things done to me a child should not have to go through.
I was molested by my stepdad there, many times. He said what most if not all molester say, “don’t tell anyone. No one will believe you.” So I kept quiet about it until a few years back. I started speaking about it, releasing myself of it. It was nothing I did and holding it inside was doing me no good.
He was an adult! He was supposed to be the caring stepdad but ended up really not caring.
Another bad thing was I also was molested by his dad when we lived with them in their home.
I remember one time after we had moved out. We went to see my stepdads family and I did everything I could to get them to let me stay inside the station-wagon we had but they finally made me get out. That time I was able to keep and stay away from his dad, even though he tried during that visit to get me to come in the house.
One day, not long after moving into a home, in the city limits of a town in Mississippi. My stepdad had a massive heart attack and passed away. We then moved back and forth to different places.
My mom eventually met and married a guy and we moved to a small place north of the town we lived in. He wasn’t much better.
During the time we lived there. I ended up being raped by a man and got pregnant through that rape.
Later when my mom realized what happened and that I was pregnant called law enforcement but nothing was done.
My mom left the man she was with at that time and we moved back to Maryland.
We did not have a lot of money. My Mom delivered newspapers to help feed us and pay the rent. To add another person would have been very hard on her.
I, along with my Mom, made the decision to find someone to adopt the child I was having. I was told family members or friends, knew a young couple who were seeking to adopt a child and they found out about me.
God blessed me big time during the pregnancy. I never got sick, never had pain or anything until I went into labor and even then it was bad.
I knew if I saw her I would want to keep her when she was born so I asked that I be put to sleep as she was born.
She has had an awesome life. One I could not have given her and she has many people who love her dearly. I, my family, as well as, many others who do.
Yes, I could have given her love but I wanted more for her. A life that I could not give her and she was blessed with that. I do not regret letting someone adopt her. In my heart I know I did what was right.
I eventually meet a man 28 years my senior and married him. He drank a lot and was a heavy smoker. When he wasn’t drinking he was a good man. I loved him and even though we had our arguments, to this day I can say I do not regret being with him. He was US Army retired and was trained in 7 trades and I learned a lot of them and asked him to teach me a lot of them.
I knew one day he would be gone and I wanted to be able to take care of myself, not depending on others, so I wanted to learn how to do that.
Toward the end of the 16years I was married to him. I felt and I wanted to learn other things. I had always wanted to learn to drive an 18 Wheeler and he let me do it.
I worked a year hauling logs to mills but then injured my back. That stopped my driving a rig from then on. This happened during the beginning of 1991. In July of 1991 my husband and I were on top of a hill starting to pull into a business and truck came over the hill going way over the speed limit, rear ending us. Pushing us up into the parking lot of the business. It made my back worse and also gave me severe whiplash.
Well, 1991 got even worse. In December my husband passed away. He was a heavy smoker and a spot on one lung burst opened and he bleed to death.
I went from having a job to no job, to having severe back pain, to a neck injury, to having no husband in one years time.
To make matters worse. I had no income once he passed away. They told me when I went to apply for his retirement I did not qualify. It took 5 years before I was able to get his retirement.
During those 5 years I had to depend on others and eventually settled the case for the car and the job injury, not receiving much on either.
There were to many memories in the town I lived in so I made the decision to move to Florida in 2000.
On July 16, 2006 my life changed in an awesome way. I found and gave my life to God and as my best friend says, I took off running from the start and have not looked back.
I remember having dreams and visions as I was growing up but I just ignored it. I was not walking with the Lord then.
Now I can see God had a hand on me the whole time. He had plans for me and knew what He had blessed me with inside before I was born. I just had to find my way to Him.
I know there are some who will say, “why did He let those things happen to you?” He DIDN’T! Once Adam and Eve brought sin into this world, it changed everything. Satan was thrown out of heaven and earth is his playground and many fall into his traps and there are those who suffer because of it.
Like Gods Word says “We are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”
Yes, I wish the things that happened to me did not happen. Yes, I wish the things I saw and the things I heard hadn’t happened.
Yes, I wish I hadn’t done the things I did before I came to the Lord but I can’t change the pass but I can change the future!
My life had changed in such an awesome, awesome way! I asked for and received the Lords mercy, grace and forgiveness in July 2006 and like His word says once He forgives our sins they are forgotten. I seek to get closer to God in every way.
As I have grown in Him, the God given gifts He blessed me with, have gotten stronger and more defined. At first I was seeing visions, had dreams and was given words and I wasn’t sure what to make of a lot of it. As I have grown in Him though, the words, I hear Him speak to me are now more straight forward. The dreams and visions are very strong now. I know what He is showing and saying to me without a doubt.
I, in a million years, would have never guessed I would have these types of gifts. It’s something what we can miss out on when we don’t have the Lord in our life.
It’s all getting stronger each week, the word He gives me, the visions He shows me and the dreams He blesses me with. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me in serving Him while I am upon this earth.
To think if I hadn’t turned to Him, giving my life and heart to Him I would be missing out on all that I now am blessed with! Well…. I don’t even want to think about it.
I am His and He is mine! There is no looking back for me. I have given Him my life and my heart and I am SO GLAD I did!
This is just a part of my testimony. Maybe one day soon I will try to write more.